Walking My Human

My name is Max, and I am a Shiba Inu dog.

I am three years old, which means I am twenty-one in human years.

I live with my human, Tom, in a small apartment near Central Park.

Tom thinks he takes me for walks every day, but really, I take him.

This is my diary about our daily adventures, and let me tell you, walking a human is not easy work.

Monday Morning - The Great Lamp Post Incident

Today started like every other day.

Tom's alarm clock rang at seven o'clock, but he hit the snooze button three times.

I had to jump on his bed and lick his face to wake him up.

"Max! Stop it!" he said, but I knew he needed to get up for work.

After Tom finally got dressed, he picked up my leash.

"Walk time, Max!" he said with a big smile.

Humans are so cute when they think they are in charge.

I wagged my tail to make him happy.

We went outside, and I immediately had to stop Tom from walking into Mrs. Johnson's garbage cans.

He was looking at his phone again.

Humans and their phones!

They cannot walk and look at those little screens at the same time.

I pulled him to the left just in time.

Then came the lamp post incident.

Tom was busy texting someone named Jennifer.

I could smell the lamp post coming, but Tom could not see it.

I tried to warn him by stopping, but he just pulled on my leash.

"Come on, Max, we need to keep moving," he said.

BANG!

Tom walked straight into the lamp post.

His phone flew out of his hand and landed in a puddle.

"Ouch!" he shouted, rubbing his forehead.

I sat down and gave him my best "I tried to warn you" look.

A pretty woman walking by started laughing.

Tom's face turned as red as my collar.

Tuesday Afternoon - The Squirrel Chase Disaster

Tuesday was Tom's day off from work, so we went for a long walk in the park.

Tom brought a coffee and a sandwich.

He sat on a bench to eat while I explored the area.

Everything was peaceful until I saw it - a fat gray squirrel eating someone's dropped pizza.

Now, every dog knows that squirrels are evil creatures that must be chased.

It is a law of nature.

The squirrel looked at me.

I looked at the squirrel.

Tom was reading a book and not paying attention.

The squirrel ran.

I ran.

Tom, still holding my leash, had no choice but to run too.

"Max! Stop! No!" he shouted, but his coffee went flying, covering his white shirt with brown stains.

His sandwich fell on the ground, and three pigeons immediately attacked it.

The squirrel ran up a tree, and I tried to follow.

Tom crashed into the tree trunk.

"Why do you always do this?" he asked me, breathing heavily.

But I could see he was trying not to smile.

The joggers passing by were definitely smiling.

Wednesday Evening - Meeting Jennifer

On Wednesday evening, something interesting happened.

Tom spent an hour getting ready for our walk.

He used that smelly spray humans like, combed his hair three times, and wore his best jacket.

"We might see someone special today, Max," he told me.

I knew immediately - we were going to see Jennifer.

Jennifer is the woman from the coffee shop who sometimes gives me treats.

Tom likes her very much.

His heart beats faster when he sees her, and he makes that silly face humans make when they are in love.

I can smell his nervousness from across the room.

We walked to the coffee shop, and there she was, sitting outside with her laptop.

Tom tried to walk past casually, but I knew better.

I pulled him straight to her table.

"Max!" Tom said, pretending to be surprised.

"I'm so sorry, Jennifer. He just loves this coffee shop."

Jennifer laughed and petted me.

"Hi Max! Hi Tom! What a coincidence!" she said.

But I could smell that she had put on extra perfume too.

Humans are so obvious.

They talked for twenty minutes while I sat perfectly still, being the best wingman ever.

Tom kept dropping his words and speaking too fast.

Jennifer played with her hair and smiled a lot.

Finally, she said, "Maybe we could walk Max together sometime?"

Tom's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"That would be great! How about tomorrow?" he said, trying to sound casual but failing completely.

Thursday Morning - The Double Walk

Thursday morning came, and Tom woke up before his alarm.

He sang in the shower, which he never does.

His singing is terrible, by the way.

Dogs have sensitive ears, and Tom's singing hurts them.

Jennifer met us at the park entrance.

She had brought her Golden Retriever, Bella.

Bella is okay, I guess, but she is too friendly.

She wants to sniff everything and everyone.

No dignity at all.

Tom and Jennifer walked side by side, talking and laughing.

Tom was so distracted that he almost walked into another lamp post, stepped in a puddle, and tripped over his own feet twice.

Jennifer pretended not to notice, but I saw her hiding her smiles.

Meanwhile, Bella and I had to work together to keep our humans from making complete fools of themselves.

When Tom nearly backed into a cyclist while walking backwards to talk to Jennifer, I pulled him to safety.

When Jennifer almost dropped her phone in the fountain while taking a selfie with Tom, Bella knocked her hand away from the edge.

By the end of the walk, Tom had finally asked Jennifer on a real date.

"Would you like to have dinner on Saturday? Without the dogs this time?" he said.

Jennifer said yes.

Tom was so happy he gave me three treats when we got home.

Walking humans is hard work, but sometimes it pays off.

Friday - The Rainy Day Revenge

Friday was my day for revenge.

It had been raining all morning, and there were puddles everywhere.

Perfect.

Tom hates getting his shoes wet, but dogs understand that puddles are meant to be explored.

I found the biggest, muddiest puddle in the park and walked straight through it.

Tom tried to go around, but the leash was not long enough.

"Max, no! Bad dog!" he said, but he had to follow me through the puddle.

His fancy work shoes made a squishing sound with every step.

Then I saw a muddy patch that looked perfect for rolling.

Before Tom could stop me, I was on my back, wiggling in the mud.

"MAX! NO!" Tom shouted, but it was too late.

I was covered in mud from nose to tail.

Tom had to carry me home, getting mud all over his jacket.

Mrs. Peterson from apartment 3B saw us in the elevator.

"Looks like Max took you for quite a walk today, Tom!" she laughed.

Tom did not think it was funny, but I saw him smiling when he gave me a bath later.

Saturday Night - The Date Night Disaster

Saturday was Tom's big date with Jennifer.

He left me at home, but I could watch from the window.

Tom was waiting outside the restaurant across the street, checking his phone every ten seconds.

Jennifer arrived five minutes late, but Tom's face lit up when he saw her.

They went inside, and I settled down for a nap.

But an hour later, I woke up to see Tom and Jennifer leaving the restaurant early.

Tom looked upset.

They stood on the sidewalk talking, and then I saw why - Tom's ex-girlfriend, Sarah, came out of the restaurant with her new boyfriend.

This was bad.

Tom still got sad when he talked about Sarah.

But Jennifer did something amazing.

She took Tom's hand, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed him right there on the sidewalk.

Sarah saw everything.

Tom looked shocked, then happy, then he kissed Jennifer back.

They walked to our building holding hands.

When Tom came upstairs, he was whistling.

He gave me a huge hug.

"Max, Jennifer is amazing," he said.

"And she wants to see you tomorrow!"

I wagged my tail.

My human was happy, which meant my job was done.

Sunday - The Perfect Walk

Sunday was the best day of the week.

Tom, Jennifer, Bella, and I went for a long walk together.

This time, Tom did not walk into any lamp posts.

He did not check his phone once.

He and Jennifer held hands and talked about normal things, not nervous things.

We went to the dog park, and Bella and I played while Tom and Jennifer sat on a bench watching us.

Other dog owners smiled at them.

"What a cute couple," I heard Mrs. Williams say to her husband.

"And such well-behaved dogs!"

Well-behaved?

I had to laugh (which sounds like a sneeze to humans).

If only they knew how much work it took to train Tom to walk properly, to watch where he was going, and to talk to Jennifer without being too nervous.

On the way home, we stopped at the ice cream truck.

Tom bought vanilla for himself and Jennifer, and they got small cups of dog-safe ice cream for Bella and me.

As I licked my ice cream, I thought about the week.

Walking a human is definitely hard work.

You have to keep them from hurting themselves, help them find love, and sometimes let them think they are in charge.

But when your human is happy, well-fed, and in love, all the work is worth it.

Tom looked down at me and scratched behind my ears.

"You're the best dog in the world, Max," he said.

I wagged my tail.

Of course I am the best dog in the world.

Someone has to take care of Tom.

That night, Tom fell asleep on the couch with his phone in his hand.

His last text to Jennifer was still on the screen: "Thank you for a perfect day. Max approves of you, and that's all that matters."

I curled up next to him and closed my eyes.

Tomorrow would bring another walk, another adventure, and another day of keeping my silly human safe and happy.

It is a tough job, but someone has to do it.

And between you and me, I would not trade it for all the dog treats in the world.

The End